September is NICU Awareness Month

You’re reading Modern Motherhood Musings, a weekly newsletter written from one mom to another. Each week I share an honest reflection on motherhood, and a collection of things bringing me joy. I’m passionate about community, and I hope that by sharing our stories, we all feel a little less alone. Disclosure: Some links in this newsletter are affiliate links. This means if you click on the link and purchase the item, I may receive a small commission at no additional cost to you. Thank you for your support!

📝 This week’s musing…

September is NICU awareness month, and like so many aspects of parenthood, the NICU was something I never thought about until we ended up there. I delivered our firstborn at 31 weeks and 5 days via an emergency c-section after suffering a placental abruption. As they wheeled me into surgery, I was panicking because we didn’t have the car seat installed, and his nursery wasn’t ready, totally oblivious to the fact that it would be weeks before we brought him home.

Will was 3lbs 8oz when he was born, bigger than many other babies in the NICU. He needed help breathing and regulating his body temperature and had a feeding tube. I was a zombie, going through the motions as I learned about pic lines, A’s and B’s, and how to help pace him while he ate, to avoid choking.

I had to wear a mask during my visits to the NICU, so I wasn’t able to kiss my baby for the first 5 weeks of his life. And the feeling of driving away from the hospital for the first time without him? It’s unnatural and wrong.

Because of COVID, only one parent was allowed to visit at a time. I spent the mornings there, while Brandon went in the evenings. For weeks, we’d wave as we passed each other on the road, leaving from or heading to the hospital. We didn’t reunite as a family of three until the day we brought Will home.

Last weekend we celebrated Will’s 4th birthday. Four years have passed since I last sat in that green recliner and held him while he slept, listening to the monitors and machines beeping around me. Four years, and I still don’t think I’ve fully processed that season of life.

As traumatic as that time was, it taught me so much about parenthood. I learned to trust my instincts. I know my body, and I knew something was wrong. I’m so glad we went to the hospital that night. It taught me how to advocate for myself and for my family, a skill I’ll be using for the rest of this motherhood journey. It taught me the importance of a community and of accepting help, because it’s the only way we survived that season.

We’re constantly shown the highlight reels of parenthood, but the more I share my story, the more I hear about the struggles others have gone through. Many of my friends have endured incredibly difficult experiences, like months and years of infertility, miscarriages, challenging and even life-threatening pregnancies, and NICU stays like ours, or even longer.

Pregnancy and childbirth are truly a miracle, not the routine event we’re led to believe.

We’re told to make birth plans and detailed delivery “wish lists”, setting us up for failure and disappointment when that natural birth can’t happen, or we’re rushed into an emergency c-section.

We’re told that all we need to do to get pregnant is to quit taking birth control, making us feel at fault when another pregnancy test fails to show those two pink lines.

We’re told that pregnancy makes you glow and that breastfeeding is critical, when many of my friends spent months with their heads over the toilet and suffered immensely trying to breastfeed.

The more we raise awareness and bring these realities to light, the less blindsided moms will be when things don’t go as planned. We’ll be less stressed when it takes months or years to get pregnant, less shocked when we’re directed to fertility treatments, and less scared when we’re told our baby is going to spend some time in the NICU.

The reality is that pregnancy, childbirth, and parenthood are so much harder and more complex than we’re led to believe. There’s power in sharing our stories and in relying on other moms and women who have been in our shoes to get through the tough times.

✨ Friday favorites…

🍽️ If you struggle with feeding your family, I highly suggest following Caroline Chambers. She has a weekly newsletter and a newly released cookbook with simple recipes that minimize time and dishes.

📖 If you’re looking for a lighthearted read with deep undertones and themes, I loved How Not to Drown in a Glass of Water A perfect read to celebrate Hispanic Heritage month!

😎 I’m loving these inexpensive sunglasses. They’re stylish, and polarized, and I don’t feel too bad if they end up broken or misplaced, which seems to happen when kids activities are involved.

👯‍♀️ From one mom, to another…

Your words of wisdom, best piece of advice, and favorite hacks can make a difference in another mom’s journey. What has helped you survive this season? Email me to be featured in an upcoming newsletter.

If you’re going through something hard right now, reach out to someone. There’s so much power in not going through life and the difficult moments alone.

Happy Friday, friends! I’m thankful for y’all!