Love in the Mess: What I'd Tell My Younger Self About Marriage

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You’re reading Modern Motherhood Musings, a weekly newsletter written from one mom to another. Each week I share an honest reflection on motherhood, and a collection of things bringing me joy. I’m passionate about community, and I hope that by sharing our stories, we all feel a little less alone. Some links in this newsletter are affiliate links. This means if you click on the link and purchase the item, I may receive a small commission at no additional cost to you. Thank you for your support!

Man, it’s been a week. Our oldest son came home from school yesterday with a 101.5 degree fever. After we finished cleaning up throw-up, doing the bath and bedtime routine, and unclogging the dryer vent so we could wash our sheets, Brandon and I just sat next to each other on the couch and sighed and laughed.

When I was younger I viewed marriage and motherhood through rose-colored glasses. I pictured sunny vacations, long dinners around the table filled with laugher, and picture perfect moments at school plays and soccer games.

We do get to experience so many of those things together, but what I didn’t think about, were the messier moments.

The countless loads of laundry we’d do after unexpected stomach bugs hit our house.

The number of times “poop” comes up in conversation, because there’s either been an accident, an exploded diaper, or our kid hasn’t gone to the bathroom in one too many days.

The constant runny noses, for everyone in our house, ourselves included.

The modesty that goes out the window during pregnancy and childbirth, and the hormone fluctuations that make you ugly-cry over everything.

The newborn days when you’re exhausted and barely have enough energy to brush your teeth let alone change clothes.

When you’re dating, you spend so much time perfecting your hair and makeup, picking out the right outfit, and making sure you’re saying the right things. You go on fancy dates, and new adventures, and letting someone see you during those curated moments is easy, it’s trusting someone to see the messy middle that’s hard.

The small acts of love make the messy, exhausting, and unglamorous parts of partnership and parenthood beautiful. Like a husband who tells you you’re beautiful first thing in the morning, when your hair is still plastered to your forehead from sweat. Or who jumps right in to wash kids bedding at 2 a.m. and runs out to grab late-night Tylenol without a second thought.

I've learned so much about marriage these past few years. There are wonderful moments of laughter and joy that we get to experience together, but I’m most grateful that I found someone who also meets me in the mess with love, patience, and a whole lot of humor.

🧥 This jacket from Zara is so good. The core is a warm vest and the sleeves are the trendy scuba material. It’s perfect if you live in a place with more moderate winters like me.

🚜 Sick kiddos means lots of TV time. We’ve been loving The Stinky and Dirty Show. I love how each episode walks kids through problem solving and being resourceful when things don’t go as planned.

💧 Now that we’re heading into winter, I love products that help fight dryness. This sleep mask is perfect for a Sunday night skin re-set. I wake up with softer more hydrated skin.

Am I the only one who still hasn’t seen Nobody Wants This? It’s on my to-watch list this weekend!

Happy Friday, Friends! I hope y’all have a great weekend!

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